They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
