She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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