For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
