yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
