why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
