i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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