Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
