All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
