now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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