"it" just moved
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
