well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
