Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
