My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
