Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
