Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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