But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
