Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
