Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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