apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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