I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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