so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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