She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
