Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
