I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
