i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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