matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
