Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
