i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
