Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
