The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
