I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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