I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
