I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
