I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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