He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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