How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
