i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
