Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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