were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just cropdusted the office
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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