Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
