walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
