If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
