Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
