Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
