I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
