I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
