Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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