hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
