turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
