shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
