do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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