Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
