Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
